Fun and Games With the Saggy Titty Committee

Happy Tuesday, you sexy things you!

I know a few of you have been anxiously awaiting my recap of my slumber party with The Golden Girls.  Sorry, I'm a day late... hopefully not a dollar short.  PMS kicked in on Sunday, so short of leaving my house to get Burger King (fail)  I only left my couch to pee.... therefore, I ate cheeseburgers for dinner since that's all Ryan knows how to make, and God forbid I pause Pretty Little Liars long enough to mix a dang salad kit.

I'm OBSESSED... like bad... I must find a way to watch season 3

Anyways..... Friday night was date night.  We ate dinner at Texas Roadhouse- read:  I filled up on fried pickles and rolls and Ryan took 80% of my sensible meal for lunch the next day.  We then went saw Djanjo Unchained.  My opinion you ask?? Loved it!  I wasn't really sure from the previews, but Samuel L., Jamie Fox, and Leo??? How could that possibly be bad.  FYI, the previews aren't very telling, because of all the violence and colorful language and that crap was 3 hours long!!!  My favorite part of the night?  I had been running errands all day and when I got back we decided that if we went early we could get cheap meal specials and miss the crowds.... so I wore no makeup, jeans, old tshirt, and chucks... how romantic right? Oh, and of course, the candy that I got at Dollar Tree and snuck into the movie.  $4 Junior Mints, my ass!

 Ryan asked me a few times if I Instagrammed this... so I'm assuming he wanted you all to see it?

YUM!!! And totally worth being in the bathroom less than 10 minutes later

So, Saturday was the big day.. you can read the back story HERE.  Basically, I was forced to attend a slumber party with several women in their 50s that work for my fiance.  I'll save the photos til the end for dramatics... most of them are of me, and they are all Instagram repeats.

I apparently, was the hit of the night, since it took me the most alcohol to get into the event.  I think my low point was when I just grabbed a spoon and started shoving spoonfuls of drunk gummies in my mouth.  The night started off kind of slow, I don't think they really knew what to tallk to me about, for  a variety of reasons, I'm sure.  They got a little fiesty when the men didn't leave quick enough for their liking (they were waiting on their food to be ready), but then the shots got flowing and things picked up.  We ate homemade pizza, took a few shots, watched them oooo and awwww over the pasta arm (they had never seen one in person before) and played on the ab glider... pretty tame stuff.

One lady disclosed that she had skipped her multitude of medications that night, not knowing the effects of mixing them with alcohol.  What medications you ask?  I was thinking maybe blood pressure pills or her large amounts of pain medications needed just to function every day... no, no, no.... she skipped her BIPOLAR meds!  Luckily, the other ladies said that was the most even kiltered they had ever seen her.... hmmmm

After about an hour, we started playing some penny poker and I became the DJ since I know all the good tunes.. aka, I have a phone made this century and have Pandora.  A little while later, one of the gals... Blanche, we'll call her, decided that she should call and invite the manager over too... without checking with the host that it was okay to invite a man over to the all girls slumber party.  I just give her a heads up and we laugh it off, because surely he won't show up, that is inappropriate on several levels.  About 10 minutes later he does.... and my neighbor let's her fiance know and he comes over from my house pretty pissed off.  We give the guy MULTIPLE outlets to leave and go over to my house with the other penises... no go, he wants to stay with us, I guess.  So we go back inside to play more penny poker.

I think this is where I have my 7th Crown, Peach Schnapps, and Cranberry juice shot (  I forgot the cutesy name for it, but YUM) and dive into the gummy bears like a bowl of ice cream.... heaping spoonfuls.  I hear the guy call himself B-rian and quickly call him out that if he's calling himself that he better have a big dick, because that's the only way you get to give yourself a nickname of that douche-level..... yes, I said this to my fiance's BOSS and yes, the guy is a douche.  Needless to say, he didn't call himself B-rian anymore that night.

Apparently, I am the only person in the world... or at least the state of Alabama to never try cheese whiz.  Something about the idea and smell of "cheese" in a can is not appealing to me.  It becomes hilarious to try and get me to try the shit... so much so that Blanche decides to squirt a line on my arm..... I guess I'm supposed to pull a Scarface and snort that shit like a pile of coke??  Instead I jump up, grab the side of her face and proceed to wipe it all across her face while saying "take it, bitch! take it all"  Probably not my finest moment, but what would have been a better response?  NOTHING!  Plus, she seemed to like it, grossly enough.... probably the most action she's seen in a while.  Sadly, for me, my arm smelled like cheese wiz the rest of the night. 

Things got vaugely boring after a while... I went hardcore on the penny poker betting, because they weren't my pennies and they are PENNIES!  I do remember asking who had brought the slut red nail polish (Blanche did) and then proceeded to sloppily paint my own nails.  This was about 1:30 am and people were falling asleep.. so, I gathered what of my belongings I could carry and stumbled across my yard WITHOUT falling down.  After chugging a ton of water, and eating a bowl of apple jacks I crawled into bed. 

I will say it was fun, in it's own way, and I would love to do it again.... with people my own age and of similar interests.  Now that I have figured out how to get wasted face without puking and being hungover for 2 days, I would like to do it more than once a year.  The committee has decided to meet once a month... I'm hoping my behavior has me off the guest list... only time will tell.

The major win of the night?  I didn't get sick and I didn't end up with a hangover... I just ate like I did.  I weighed myself Monday morning to see a 10lb gain... I am mostly blaming this on PMS and water weight. Still, I am officially low carbing it, until furter notice.  And, I am ashamed to admit it, but I missed 3 days of Jillian.... which means that sometime in the next 3 weeks I have to do 3 two a days.... not worth it.  I'm just hoping to break even with where I was last Wednesday... lucky for me, my work schedule won't allow me to weigh in until Thursday :)

Now, the moment you've all been waiting for.... PICTURES!!!!! (In no particular order... well the order Blogger wanted, I guess)

 This is how you know I'm drunk.... I don't know that I even know how to actually smoke a cigarette  I just try for a few puffs

 No one was around to drive me to taco bell, so apple jacks in panties and socks had to do

 The beginning of my end... gross

 The gummies soaking up the booze.... easiest buzz ever!

 My sloppy slut red nails... eww (my nails are still stained)

 Maybe the 3rd or 4th shot?

 The long ponytail is Blanche... she's dancing... she seemed to like that move... alot... along with titty shimmies for her boss

 This was the sweetest lady... she snuggled with the dogs most of the night and didn't get annoyingly shmammered

Officially white girl wasted face... at least my hair seemed to hold up well

I PROMISE I will be getting my ORB post to you guys this week. :)

Oh, and, ROLL TIDE :)