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Thursday, February 28, 2013

Yep, I'm Still Alive

Hey Girl, Hey!!

So I have basically been MIA for the month of February from social media... no real reason I don't guess.  I just haven't felt particularly interesting as of late, and to be perfectly honest, I haven't made my blog a priority, and I should.... especially after reading Holly's recent post about what blogging means to her.  I realized that this lil ole' blog has done a lot for me, and the relationships I have made through it are important to me, so it's time to make it a priority and not worry how full my DVR is even though I am months behind on TV {don't worry, Nashville, I'm not talking about you.  I will ALWAYS make time for you and your overly sexy and talented cast}.  Funny how priorities change as your lifestyle changes, huh?
In case you forgot what I look like 

So, what have I been up to this past month?  Nothing really, more of the same.... work, sleep, try to catch up on laundry mountain but never succeeding, hitting the gym often but not enough, doing fairly well with my eating.... you know, life in general.

me after gettin all sweaty... I should NEVER be without makeup or a tan

I did decide that with my wedding being almost 8 months away now and that whole " I want a long engagement so I have plenty of time to plan and won't have to stress about anything as the wedding gets closer" plan that I had has now turned into the "I had a long engagement so that I could dick around for over half of it and not really get much done" plan.  So I have started actually planning some shit!   We picked out invitations, finally decided on a photographer, read: found a photographer that takes great pictures and doesn't want more than we make in a month, booked the fiddle player {now I just have to pick out ceremony music.... NOT EASY}, planned out most of the menu, decided on a theme for decor, and finalized bridesmaid dress choice.  Next week we will probably pick out the guys stuff since Ryan has to be fitted for a tux for a friend's wedding anyways.  So I'm feeling pretty productive on the wedding front.

Weight loss wise it's been okay this month.  I'm not sure exactly how many lbs I lost this month, but I'm feeling okay since clothes are getting looser.  I am loving the gym membership and hate that it took me so long to feel like it was worth the investment, it's basically the most important bill I pay each month.... well except for the house payment.  I love going and getting my burn on and being able to change up my workout.  I don't miss Jillian one bit... sorrynotsorry!  I was hating the treadmill... there was some knee and ankle pain happening, but I got me some new kicks last week and now I am on track... I ran my first treadmill 5K this morning and PR'd that bitch.... while watching Gossip Girl on my phone, Netflix App best thing ever! 
MFP told me this last week, I CAN"T wait for this day!!

Sorry Nike, this girl belongs to Asics now.... best shoes I've ever had!
Operation Red Bikini update.  Honestly, I'm not sure that I will get into those 10s by the end of May.  It may have been an overly ambitious goal to begin with, but I would be lying if I didn't say I could be busting ass harder.  I've had cheat days weekends and missed 6 straight days of workouts this month.  I did have one big NSV though.  I ordered a Jessica Simpson dress from my new favorite website { if you haven't heard of it, check it out, it is amazing.... designer labels up to 70% off and all the shipping I've seen is free!  Plus I got my order in 4 days}  I ordered a 14, thinking that it would probably run small being designer and I am currently still a solid 16, thinking that this would be a goal dress for engagements to wear with my cute $15 cowgirl boots in May {holla Target}.  However, I figured I would try it on for motivation to bust ass and IT FITS!!!  Not just kinda, if I suck in and don't breath, like I can zip it myself and sit down and even eat in it!  So I have decided that I will be wearing it to a friend's wedding at the end of March and will be ordering myself a smaller dress for engagements come May!!

My Jessica Simpson dress!! Retail $90, I paid $29.99!!  LOVE!

Okay, I feel like I have rambled enough.  I promise not to fall off the face of the earth again.  I plan to post regularly, get back into my link ups, and comment on blogs again... I've been silently stalking, so I still care about you, I'm just a lazy friend lately.... opps.  I also plan to start blowing up Instagram again so check out the life @jenlynn426!
This is the look I'm thinking about with the living room... LOTS of COLOR!

There's a lot of this here lately. Yes, that is my dog with his head stuck in the cat door... He is OBSESSED! Me... not so much
 And that is what you are missing by not following me on IG... booyah!

Here's what's on deck if you plan on waiting on the edge of your seat:
 ~I'm planning on an Advocare 10 day cleanse over my next 8 days off.... I don't want to try to do it while I'm working... I kind of forsee being bitchy during it and ain't nobody got time to deal with that.  I'm such a sheep so I'm finally breaking down, plus everyone seems to be getting great results
~ If all goes as planned I will be hitting 60lbs lost in the next couple of weeks so I will celebrate with progress pics and a recap of my journey in case you are a newer reader
~ I finally decided on painting a couple rooms in my house over the next few months so I'm sure there will be tons of anxiety for my to share with the world.

Feels good to be back, I've missed you loves! 

Monday, February 4, 2013

Foodaholics Not Anonymous

Happy Monday Hooks!

So, today is going to be a little more serious than usual, because I think I may have figured something out.... even though I already basically knew it.

Hello. My name is Jennifer, and I'm a Foodaholic. (Hi, Jennifer)

Food has always been a thing for me.  I never seemed to grasp that food is fuel concept.   Food is fun, a reward, entertainment, and my friend when I need it to be.

I'm not always a huge sharer of my feelings, but I'll pour my heart out to a medium pizza in an instant.

So, here are some feelings for you guys.

My family dog died at 2am Friday morning, and I got the text from my dad while I was at work.   I understand why my dad did it this way, he probably was really upset, but didn't have anyone to be sad with because of how extremely devastated my mom was.... that dog was my brother.

I know some of you are thinking, a dog, really?  Yep.  My family is one of those families where our pets are more than pets, they are our children and best friends.  Brewster meant so much to my mom, and all of us and losing him is going to be tough.  He was older and had some joint issues, but we were not really expecting him to just die like that.

This is where MY issues come in.  For the past 3 years now, I have lived at least 2 hours from home.  I feel like I miss out on a lot, good and bad.  And it killed me that I wasn't there for my dog and my mom when they needed me.  My mom told me not to come home, because she didn't want me driving upset and because there wasn't anything I could do.  So I stayed home.

So, what did I do this weekend?  I binged... I ate myself sick on whatever junk I wanted, and I honestly had tried to fight it.  It started as I was going to have wings on Friday as a cheat meal, because I was sad... that turned into a weekend full of pizza, cheesey bread, chocolate, cookies, and taco bell.  I also couldn't bring myself to go to the gym, probably because of all the shit I loaded myself down with.  And I never once, thought of the consequences .. it was a mindless weekend of shoving anything down my face hole that I could fit, and my last night I felt disgusting... busted can of biscuits doesn't even begin to describe it.

Things started to come together for me last night, but I came full circle this morning.  I can't do this to myself anymore.  I have to find a way to stop letting food control me when the going gets tough.  I do amazing when all is right in my life and I have a routine, but as soon as there is trouble in the road, I lose it.  Food was not my friend this weekend... I still am heartbroken over losing my Brewster pig, and still feel guilty for not being there with my mom when they came to take him away and today when they will bring his urn home.  And now, I am adding the guilt of what I have done to myself.   Who knows what kind of damage I did on the scale, but mostly, I let myself down... I was weak when I should have been strong.  I didn't reach out for anyone... I just ate.  And now I feel 10x worse.... food was my enemy this weekend.

So today, I've started the detox process in my body and I'm ready to get back in the saddle, and I'm going to take a long look at my relationship with food.  I don't really know how to see food as fuel alone, but I have to find a way.  I deserve that feeling that I have for myself when I have a great week and I don't deserve to feel like this.  I worked too hard to get to where I am to go back now... and those size 10 jeans want to be worn again.

Since I hate having things be completely negative, here's a bit of happy for my Monday.

He doesn't really like his picture taken, but this is EXACTLY what he looks like!  I even wanted to name him Toothless

This is Obi.  We noticed a bunch of cats running around the past couple of weeks and put some food out for them, since it has decided to be cold in Alabama again.  Friday night we saw that there was a TINY very scrawny little kitten in the bunch and that they would push him away from the food.  He finally gave up and crawled into the box we had put out since it has been raining.  When the others left, we noticed that he was still in the box.  We picked it up and there he was.  Seconds after picking him up he was curled up in my arms purring and I was a goner.

For the record, I hate cats.  I have never had one, and they are mean, and weird, and I am just a dog person every step of the way.  But this little guy wasn't going to survive without me, and honestly, he caught me on a good day.  I couldn't stand the thought of another animal dying that day, so we brought him home.  I have no clue what to do with him, and he spends most of his time hiding in the laundry room, and Brick is killing me with the endless curiosity over him, and crying when he can't be all up in his grill.  I guess I'll figure it out.   It does make me feel good to know that I saved him.

Well, I'm back to work tonight, and I'm going to frantically try to catch up on some things around here before I have to get my nap in.  I am ready to the fresh start this week, however, I most likely will not be participating in the weigh in link up this week.... I don't really see they point in adding more sadness to the plate, but I will be back next week fo sho!

Thanks for reading, today
 Brewster aka Sir Jiucy Jiggles McBiggins

 My birthday cake was on the counter
Ice cream was one of his favorites besides Velveeta