Weigh-Day Wednesday (on Thursday)

So, yesterday was weigh day!!!  I never really know how to feel about weigh day.  Part of it is exciting to get the official number of the week.  I say official because we all know that we step on the scale about mid week just to gauge where we stand.  If you say you don't I say you are a lying hefer-lump!  The rest of it is terrifying because I always know if it's a shitty number I'm gonna feel like a piece of crap and God forbid there's a gain!!!  Anyways, since starting 30DS I live in constant fear of gaining, despite being fully aware that inches are what matters!  So as I stumbled out of bed yesterday afternoon, did my morning tinkle, and stumbled onto my scale I was delighted to see this.....

And, yes, it is absolutely mortifying to post this on the internet, but it's important also.  I have come a long way to get to that 230 and I'm pretty damn proud of it.  Besides, I am way more embarrassed that my toe nails look the way they do!  I promise to keep them up a little better for the sake of this weekly post :)  Anyways, this puts me at -4lbs for the week!!  I weighed on Friday for my official 4 month weigh in, and was down another 1.6lbs!!!  So, thank you Jillian for being the evil alien whore that you are, you are the best frenemy I have ever had.  When all this is said and done I hope we can make out.
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I know I already posted this on the Fit Camp page, but it was so AMAZING I have to share it again.

I have had a cold for the past few days, and after a crazy ass night at work last night I was exhausted, couldn't breathe through my nose, and was loaded down with 2 slices of pizza, a breadstick, a cupcake, and 2 or 3 cookies.... I'm not really sure because the fat girl took over and I was no longer in control.  Needless to say the last thing I wanted to do after my 12 hours of hell was c25k, but I convinced myself to go since it was so beautiful out and fall is the only time that I would say Alabama is pretty and that once I started running my nose would magically open up and I would be able to breathe better than ever.  YEA EFFING RIGHT!

The first 5 minute run went great!  I was actually moving fairly quick, since after running 25 minutes straight last time, this 5 minutes wasn't shit compared to me and Fergie.... We're T-A-S-T-E-Y!  I passed this amazing lady who was super fit and had on a cute outfit and she gave me 2 thumbs up.  What a hookstar!!  Me and Justin Timberlake started to run faster after that.
As soon as the creepy voice told me to run the next 8 minutes, I realized not only is my nose stuffy, my lungs are full of junk!  I quickly began puffing like I had spent last night face down in an ashtray.  Then actual snot bubbles began to form out of my nose.... those kind that little kids get and you wonder what the hell makes their snot stronger than glue.  I was in the middle of convincing myself that it was okay to stop because "I'm sick"  when I saw her again.... this time she was CLAPPING for me!!  MY heart instantly melted and I began to cry.... but I KEPT RUNNING!  I wiped my snot glue bubbles on my shirt and ran.

I passed her again when I was on my last 5 minute run (I don't know how she never caught me on my walks... she probably thinks I am much more of a BAMF than I really am) and I screamed thank you to her. That lady made my week... More than the 40lb milestone, more than the 4lbs this week, and for damn sure more than that pizza or cupcake!  She didn't know I couldn't breathe and wanted to quit, she just saw a big girl out there doing the best she could.

My goal is to always find someone out there who might need a little boost and give that too them.  That feeling is too awesome not to pass on!!
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Thanks so much to all of you who read or started following this blog!  It means more to me than you know.  I hope you all stick around :)

Next post I hope to share my before and progress picture.... YIKES!

Until then.
Love, Jenn

The First 40

So once again, I have epic failed on keeping up with this blog mostly for 2 reasons.  First being that I SUCK ASS at technology and often just give up on it rather that get pissed and keep trying (more to follow on that), and secondly,  I am lacking in the confidence department that I will be able to produce a blog that is even half as cool as the ones that I am ADDICTED to reading each and every day.... seriously, it's like my new crack!  BUT I"M BACK!!!  I am sooo inspired by the lady's at Mama Laughlin's Fit Camp that I have a new determination to stick with this and one day I'll have this journey documented to look back on how amazing I have become (haha).

So what I want to tell you guys about today, especially those of you with a big goal, mine is over 100lbs, is what I have learned in these first 4 months and 40 pounds.  I have come along way and not just with my new lifestyle,  I have learned so much about me and who I am at my core....... DEEP down under all this padding :)  so bear with me this may be a long one!!

My story is different from many I have read so far.  I was not big my whole life.  Growing up my nick name was Bones... because that's all I was.  I was extremely active as a child, playing softball from an early age, then moving into figure skating, and eventually gave up both for competitive cheerleading and high school cheerleading.  Looking back I've probably always had shit for eating habits but I was so active that it didn't really matter.  Flash forward to 17 and the world of dating and driving.  I learned 2 detrimental things...
     1.  Dates usually consisted of eating out, but it was FREE so why not
     2.  Having my driver's license and a part time job meant that Sonic would give me all the tots and bacon,       egg, and cheese toasters that I wanted.

After I stopped cheering because I was too scared of more advanced tumbling, I basically stopped exercising all together, and the weight started to pack on and never stopped.

Flash forward to May of 2013.....  I have an amazing job, just bought my first house, and had the best boyfriend and fur babies EVER!  My boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo.... it was perfect and I couldn't be happier.... until I stepped on the scale the next morning... 273 lbs.  I had a meltdown in my bathroom.  I knew that I was fat.... let's face it, OBESE and had been very sucessful at losing 20lbs and gaining 30 for the past 3 years, but this time it had to be different, I had to change my life, for countless reasons, but mostly that despite how awesome my life was I wasn't happy with ME and who's more important that me :)

I started my journey on May 15th... the very day of the 273, no waiting til Monday or until all the shit in my cabinets were gone (my go to excuses to put off the change).  I have adapted my journey several times along the way, but 4 months later I am at 232.8 lbs.... that's 40lbs lighter and have gone from a size 22 jeans to a comortable 18 or some 16s that stretched into probably an 18..... mind you I can button brand new 16s, but NO ONE wants to see that glorious of a muffin top :)

The big point of this long ass rambling post is that I have learned some very important things from these first 40lbs that I'd like to share with those of you who may need some reassurance that this journey is worth it all :)

1. Changing your life is FUCKIN HARD and it takes a long time!!  It's not going to get easier, so don't wait for it to!  Just keep trucking knowing that it is the right thing to do, and that all the tears, sweat, sore muscles, and days of wanting to give up but making yourself stick to it are worth it!!

2.  I can do so much more than I ever thought I was capable of!   Lots of stuff comes naturally to me, and when it doesn't I get pissed and give up... not this time!  I have become determined to do things in all aspects of my life whether it be jogging for 20 minutes straight or figuring out how to edit this blog!

3. I'm pretty dang awesome!  To me, being fat forced me to develop my personality and not to get by on "being pretty"  Since I had no confidence in my appearance, I had to use my personality to get me through.  Honestly, I think me at 273 lbs was way cooler than I ever was when I was thin, and I became confident in who I was and my non-physical attributes.  Now, I'm slowly getting to the best version of me possible.

4. Put yourself out there and be accountable!  Nothing has helped me more than the Fit Camp page!  This group of women is the BEST thing that I could have found!

5. Most importantly... I've learned that I'm Just Jenn (hence the lame blog title) and that is more than enough for me!

I'm finally done!!!  sorry ya'll :-/  It's almost that TOM and I tend to get very share-y and open at that time....     Thanks for hanging in there.  Let my hear about what you've learned!!  I'll be back soon, and I promise to keep it much shorter!!

Until then,  much love :)